


The Matchmakers

by bananas



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: A MENTION OF A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN, AND FREDDIE FLINTOFF ofc, Crack, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Meddling Kids, also barney from the 12th man videos is in this, and having dumb ideas, and then executing them, boys being dumb, i think i missed out on some very easy scooby doo references in this fic, soooo much crack oh god, that's it. that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 18:25:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14431497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananas/pseuds/bananas
Summary: Steven, Joe and Mark and their love for interfering+ Stuart's "plans falling through" (spoiler: he didn't even have plans in the first place)+ Steven's dirty promises+ Joe's alleged sexual promise+ Jos' lack of immunity to Joe's puppy dog eyes= The Matchmakers and a headache for Jimmyor, alternatively,Jimmy would've gone on and spent the next 10 years carrying out his slow, it'll-happen-eventually seduction of Swanny if it wasn't for those meddling kids.





	The Matchmakers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bethanbroad8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bethanbroad8/gifts).



> so I received this prompt a few months ago and I finally managed to finish the fic!
> 
>  
> 
> _Could you write a fic where jimmy and Swanny are like obviously in love but everyone knows but them. And so the whole team try to get them together._
> 
>  
> 
> a huge thanks to @rhiannonlloyd who has, as always, been a wonderful support and has helped me through so many fics now and also beta'd this super fast!! you're a gem <3  
> plus a special shoutout to @agreedequation who's monopoly fic inspired a scene in this fic
> 
> and last but not least, thank you to bethanbroad8, who has been so patient and so kind throughout these past few weeks. i really really hope you like this fic
> 
> this fic has been a wonderful journey and experience to write so i really hope you all enjoy it. i know i loved writing it. (even though i struggled at the start but i got through it in the end!)
> 
> happy reading!

“Okay, so this is how it’s going to go,” Swanny said, with a chalk in hand in front of the blackboard Barney had managed to secure from somewhere.

 

Barney looked expectant while Jimmy gave him his most bored and his most unimpressed look all in one. 

 

“I’m sitting on the sofa and I’m talking to the camera about regular stuff right? And I start talking about the match and Cooky’s score and the 500 something for 1 score and I realize, on camera, how boring I sound and I bring up and imitate Jimmy’s video diary from last year and  _ then _ ,” Swanny pauses for effect, looking at his audience of two excitedly. “Barney, you pan the camera to Jimmy and Jimmy you say,  “There’s nothing wrong with being both informative and interesting Graeme,” in your most unimpressed voice.”

 

Swanny finished, looking very pleased with himself while Jimmy somehow looked even more grumpy.

 

“That’s it,” Swanny said, pointing at Jimmy’s face. “That’s the look you should have when you say it.”

 

“I’m not saying that,” Jimmy said immediately.

 

Swanny’s smile dropped. “Why not? It’ll be so funny.”

 

Jimmy sighed. “I told you; I don’t want to be a part of this diary.”

 

“Oh, come on, Jimmy. Please, it’ll be so funny. Won’t it Barney?” Swanny looked at Barney expectantly who just shrugged.

 

“Yeah, I suppose.” 

 

Swanny rolled his eyes but he accepted the endorsement just as well.

 

“Cheers, mate,” he told him, turning back to Jimmy who looked torn.

 

“Jimmy, please, mate. It’ll be so funny. Do it for the fans!” he said, a bit too enthusiastically but Jimmy smiled slightly.

 

“Fine. But just this once. And only if you and Barney stop trying to catch my Xbox face on camera from now on.”

 

“No promises,” Swanny said, grinning wickedly at him.

 

Jimmy rolled his eyes but smiled while Barney watched their exchange with raised eyebrows.

 

“Right, I’m off,” he said, standing up. “And I’m taking the blackboard with me, as well. Why’d you even call for it if you weren’t going to use it?

 

Swanny shrugged, sitting down next to Jimmy on the sofa on the seat Barney had just vacated. “For effect.”

 

“Right.” Barney looked confused but he didn’t question them and left with the blackboard.

  
  


-

  
  


“This is getting ridiculous,” Steven said, half to himself, taking a break from the lengthy letter he was writing.

 

“What’s getting ridiculous?” Stuart asked, not looking up from his phone.

 

“Them.” Steven gestured animatedly at Jimmy and Swanny. “Just look at them.”

 

Stuart looked up finally, with raised eyebrows. “That’s exactly how we were sitting last night on that very sofa.” he said pointedly.

 

“Exactly! Except,  _ we _ are together, and  _ they  _ are not.” He pointed at them.

 

Stuart stared at him incredulously and shook his head. “And  _ you _ are just weird. What’s the big deal? They’re just watching a movie together.”  

 

Steven rolled his eyes at Stuart’s naivety.

 

“It’s not just the movie. Weren’t you listening? Jimmy hates being on camera but Swanny convinced him to do this ridiculous skit for his video diary and Jimmy actually gave in.”

 

Steven looked at Stuart expectedly; surely he'd get it now. Stuart just looked confused.

 

“I don't get it.”

 

Steven sighed and then fixed his gaze again to where Swanny and Jimmy were still huddled up together on the sofa. 

 

“Okay, that's it. I’m going to go find Joe. He’ll help me with this.”

 

“Help you with what, exactly?” Stuart asked as Steven stood up from the table they were sitting at.

 

“Getting them to finally admit that they have feelings for each other. I have a plan,” Steven said ominously.

 

Stuart pouted. “Why can’t I help you?”

 

Steven looked down at him, unimpressed. “You just called me weird. Also, you don't even understand it.”

 

Stuart shrugged, accepting it. “That’s true, I don't. Also, you are weird.” He bent his head again, scrolling through his phone.

 

Steven rolled his eyes in reply and picked up the letter he had almost finished writing

 

“What are you even writing there anyway? You’ve been at it for the past hour.” Stuart craned his neck and tried to peak a look at the paper Steven had been huddled over for so long.

 

“Nothing,” Steven said immediately, moving the paper out of Stuart’s reach but not before he caught a glimpse.

 

“Are you writing a letter to our dog?” Stuart asked, shocked, finally putting his phone down to take another swipe at it so he could read it.

 

“No,” Steven denied it immediately but the blush on his cheeks gave him away easily.

 

“It is!” Stuart said, half-laughing. “I saw it. It said “Dear Doris”. Do you realize Doris can’t read Finny?”

 

Steven blushed harder. “Yes but Titch can read it to her,” he said, not meeting Stuart’s eyes, folding the paper and putting it in his pocket.

 

Stuart was fighting to keep the smile off his face.

 

“What about our cat Finny? How could you neglect the poor thing like that?”

 

“I’m not neglecting her.” Steven glared at him. 

 

“I’m sending her flowers instead,” he said in a quieter voice.

 

Stuart snorted, attracting Jimmy’s attention who turned around to glare at them. 

 

Stuart ignored him, instead standing up and reaching over to give Steven a quick kiss.

 

“You’re adorable. I love you,” he said, grinning widely.

 

“Yeah, yeah, you say that  _ after _ laughing at me,” Steven said but he had a small smile on his face as well. 

  
  


-

  
  


Steven didn’t find Joe till half an hour later and even then, he needed to text him at least 4 times till he got a reply about his whereabouts. He made his way to Joe’s room and knocked to signal his arrival before walking in and immediately, he wished he hadn’t. 

 

Joe and Jos stood in the middle of the room in nothing but their towels, both looking like they’d just come out of the shower and, as far as Steven knew, there was only one shower in this room.

 

Steven stared at them with raised eyebrows until Jos spoke.

 

“Can we help you?” Jos asked, looking confused and tightening the towel around his waist self-consciously

 

“Uh, Joe told me to come here?” Steven said hesitantly.

 

It was Jos’s turn to look surprised and he looked at Joe questioningly.

 

“Yeah, I invited him,” Joe shrugged.

 

Jos continued to stare at Joe with raised eyebrows until Joe realized and laughed.

 

“Not in that way, Jos. Finny just needed some help.”

 

“Oh.” Jos nodded. “I’m going to go put some clothes on then,”  he said awkwardly, heading for the washroom again. 

 

“Yeah, me too,” Joe said enthusiastically. “Can you excuse us for a few minutes Finny?” Joe winked at Steven who mimed puking at him. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll come back. You kids have fun,” he said, rolling his eyes.

 

“We will!” Joe called after him as Steven left the room. 

 

-

 

Steven headed back to the hotel lounge after being kicked out of Joe’s room so unceremoniously. Swanny and Jimmy were still on the sofa but the movie playing on the TV was long forgotten and the two were bickering, as always.  Steven rolled his eyes as he passed then, heading for the table at the back, but he strained his ears to listen anyway, as he sat down next to Stuart again, knowing this could be valuable intel on his mission to get them together once and for all.

 

“Barney will just take a few shots; it won’t take more than 5 minutes,” Swanny was saying.

 

“Swanny, no,” Jimmy said exasperatedly.

 

Swanny wasn’t listening, however. “You just have to come out in a towel a few times; it’ll be hilarious actually. I have the lines written down, they’re quite funny.” He pulled out a crumpled paper from his pocket and handed it to Jimmy, who took it reluctantly.

 

Jimmy opened it and read it, a small smile on his face now. 

 

“This is actually quite funny,” he admitted and Swanny grinned widely now. 

 

“So you’ll do it then?” 

 

Jimmy sighed. “I’m already doing that other scene; the one where you make fun of my ashes diary. Can’t someone else do this? Make Finny or Stu or someone do it.”

 

Steven jumped after hearing his name and ducked behind Stuart, in case they looked over to see him eavesdropping. Stuart gave him a weird look as he did so and Steven shushed him immediately before he could say something.

 

“Broady can’t act for shit,” Swanny said bluntly and Steven flinched as Stuart gave an indignant “Hey!” after hearing that, knowing he’d exposed them both as eavesdroppers now.

 

Swanny and Jimmy both turned around to look at them questioningly and Steven straightened his back, sitting up as dignified as he could after being caught listening in.

 

“He’s right though. You can’t act.” Jimmy was still giving him a weird look and Stuart stuck his tongue out at him in response. 

 

“Yeah,” Swanny agreed, grinning widely. “Remember they tried to get you on for A League Of Their Own but they saw you were useless in front of the camera so they sacked you and took Freddie Flintoff instead?”

 

Stuart huffed, offended. “They didn’t  _ sack _ me. I left. By myself. It was  _ my  _ decision,” he insisted but Swanny and Jimmy looked unconvinced.

 

“I did! I wouldn’t have time for the show anyway, because of touring and stuff.”

 

They still looked skeptical as they turned back around with a “Sure, Stu.” and “Whatever you say, Stu.” Stuart huffed again, glaring at them while Steven patted his arm consolingly.

 

“It’s okay, Stu. I believe you,” Steven said and Stuart dropped his glare to smile at him. 

 

“Thanks, Finny.” He gave him a quick peck on the lips before returning to scrolling through his phone again.

 

Swanny was still trying to convince Jimmy that the idea he had for the video was a good one and he finally seemed to have made some progress.

 

“Fine,” Jimmy sighed, turning back to Swanny. “I'll do it.”

 

“Yes!” Swanny said excitedly, pumping his fist in the air as Jimmy smiled fondly at him.

 

“But,” Jimmy said warningly and Swanny’s smile dropped slightly. “Only if you play the new Call of Duty with me tonight.”

 

“Fine,” Swanny relented with a sigh. “I don’t know what the point of it is anyway. You just beat me everytime.”

 

“I know, he said, smiling broadly, “I like winning.”

 

Swanny glared at him although there was a hint of a smile on his face. “Yeah, whatever.” 

  
  


-

  
  


Steven was lost in thought, staring at the backs of their heads, processing the conversation he had just witnessed. How was it possible that two people who were so different were still so compatible and on-top of that, so oblivious to their feelings? 

 

He asked the same of Stuart, still sat next to him, now reading over the letter intently.

 

Stuart looked confused again. “I still don’t know what feelings you’re talking about.” 

 

Steven sighed, patting his boyfriend’s head affectionately. “You’ll get it. Someday. Hopefully,” he tacked on as an afterthought as Stuart rolled his eyes and went back to his phone. 

 

-

 

Joe texted Steven around an hour later to let him know that him and Jos were fully clothed now if he still needed their help. He raised his eyebrows as he read the message, realizing it had been ages since Joe had asked to be excused “for a few minutes” and showed it to Stuart as well, who stifled a laugh while reading it. 

 

They left for Joe’s room a short while after that, Stuart tagging along whilst insisting it was only because his earlier plans fell through. (Steven didn’t believe him.)

 

Steven knocked on the door hesitantly, not willing to walk in to Joe and Jos doing something that he would rather not be a witness to.

 

When they entered, Joe and Jos were on the bed, but only sitting next to each other thankfully and in deep conversation. Steven cleared his throat as he walked in while Stuart waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the two. 

 

Joe grinned widely at them, his typical, cheeky grin while Jos’s expression was a bit embarrassed for some reason, as if Steven and Stuart had caught them in a compromising position rather than just talking. 

 

“What’s up Stu? What can we do for you?” Joe asked excitedly, sitting up.

 

Steven sighed and sat down on the foot of the bed.

 

“It’s Swanny and Jimmy, mate. We have to do something about them,” he said, shaking his head.

 

Joe nodded knowingly but Jos looked confused.

 

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with them?” he asked them looking at them each in turn.

 

Stuart spoke from behind Steven, where he was leaning against the wall.

 

“Wait till you hear this Jos. Finny thinks Jimmy and Swanny have  _ feelings _ for each other.” Stuart shook his head in disbelief at him but Steven just stuck his tongue out in reply.

 

Jos, surprisingly, looked thoughtful.

 

“Actually, I kind of see it. You know, the other day, Alex walked in on them in the hotel lounge wrestling over the TV remote and, according to him, they were 5 seconds away from making out; they were  _ that _ close to each other.” He gestured with his hands, bringing them so near to each other that they were almost touching. 

 

Steven turned back to Stuart with a triumphant grin now that Jos agreed with him and it was Stuart’s turn to stick his tongue out at him. 

 

“So we’re agreed then? We’re going to get them to realize their feelings once and for all?”

 

Before anyone could answer, a familiar, Birmingham accent was heard from behind Stuart. 

 

“Who's realizing their feelings once and for all?”

 

Steven turned around to see Mo walking in followed closely by Mark. 

 

“Swanny and Jimmy,” Joe said immediately, his smile so wide now that it looked painful to Stuart.

 

Mo looked unimpressed while Mark nodded excitedly. 

 

“Yes! Finally! I've been waiting for this for so long,” he jumped on to the bed as well, joining the three already camped on it.

 

Mo just stared at them with one eyebrow raised. 

 

“You guys are crazy,” was all he said, shaking his head.

 

“Yeah, exactly,” Stuart agreed. 

 

Mo turned to look at him with one of his classic, skeptical-and-judgemental-all-in-one looks.

 

“As if you won't jump straight into this as soon as Finny bats his eyelashes at you,” he scoffed.

 

Stuart looked offended. “No, I won’t,” he insisted.

 

Steven pouted. “You’re not going to help me with this?”

 

“Finny, don’t give me that look. I’m not a part of this,” Stuart said, but he already looked torn.

 

“Oh, yeah? Then why are you here?” Rooty asked, grinning wickedly.

 

Stuart glared at him. “My other plans fell through,” he said defensively.

 

Mark jumped in. “What other plans? The entire group of people that you know is either sitting here or in the lounge or currently,” Mark checked his watch, “on a date.”

 

Before Stuart could reply, Jos interrupted.

 

“Who’s on a date?”

 

“Bilbo and Jason. They left about 3 hours ago for coffee and they still aren’t back.”

 

“Huh,” Jos said, thinking. “I never saw that coming.” 

 

“Me and Woakesy take full credit for that, by the way,” Joe said, somehow still smiling. Didn’t his cheeks ever hurt?

 

“And that’s why I’ve come to you,” Steven said solemnly as Joe finally stopped smiling and nodded, looking very serious as well now. 

 

“You’ve come to the right place.” His expression remained serious for two more seconds before a smile broke through again.

 

“Alright then. Who’s in?” he asked, looking around the room expectantly. 

 

“Me,” Mark said immediately, crossing his legs and looking ready to get down to business.

 

“Me, obviously,” Steven said and Joe nodded at him before turning to Jos expectantly.

 

Jos looked exasperated but Joe leaned in and whispered something in his ear, grinning after he was done. Jos turned red and just nodded, not saying anything.

 

Steven heard Stuart snort at the back and turned to him.

 

“Would I be able to convince you to join if I promised you dirty things like Joe just promised Jos?” he asked him.

 

Stuart’s eyes went wide and Mo laughed this time. 

 

Stuart cleared his throat. “Depends on what you’re offering,” he said in a weird voice.

 

Steven stood up, grinning now and went to whisper in his ear. 

 

“We’ll do that thing you wanted to try with the whipped cream and the honey,” he said quietly.

 

“Really?” Stuart’s voice was strangled and Steven nodded but said warningly, “But it’s going to get everything sticky and you’ll clean it up.” 

 

Stuart nodded ferociously then. “Doesn’t matter; I’ll clean up. I’m in.”

 

Mo gagged and mimed puking from next to them. “That’s my cue to leave you weirdos. Have fun!”

 

“Okay, now it’s down to the important stuff. First, what’s our group name going to be?” Joe asked, clapping his hands excitedly.

 

Stuart frowned, a bit more composed now but the blush on his cheeks hadn’t faded.

 

“Shouldn’t we be more focused on the ‘getting them together’ part, rather than the team name?” 

 

“Don’t be silly Broady; we need a group name!” Joe said, looking offended.

 

“How about the matchmakers?” Steven asked.

 

“Love it!” Joe said excitedly. 

 

He then pulled a pad and a pen out of the bedside table and began to write. The top of the page read ‘ THE MATCHMAKERS ’ in capital letters and underlined. Stuart raised his eyebrows as he read that but didn’t say anything.

 

“Okay, what's our agenda?” Joe asked, looking around the room expectantly.

 

“Well, I do believe Finny assembled this task force for the purposes of getting Swanny and Jimmy together but, you know, I may be wrong,” Stuart said sarcastically and Steven nudged him. 

 

Joe didn't look like he cared though and he was still smiling when he said, “That’s correct Broady! I'm glad you're taking your role as a Matchmaker seriously!”

 

Stuart stared at him incredulously and opened his mouth to protest but Steven's second nudge stopped him before he could say anything.

 

Joe was oblivious, scribbling away on his pad and Stuart didn't miss the fond look on Jos's face as he watched him. 

 

“Okay, now on to our plan of attack. What's our first step?” Joe asked.

 

They fell silent then, all in deep in thought except for Stuart who just marvelled at the complete ridiculousness of the situation and Jos, who was busy tracing patterns on Joe’s bare thigh, making him squirm occasionally. Jos smiled every time Joe shifted and Stuart looked away, feeling like he was intruding on something private and intimate between the two.

 

After a few minutes of silence Mark spoke.

 

“I have no idea.” 

 

Stuart rolled his eyes. “Thanks Mark.”

 

“We could just, you know, tell them maybe?” Jos suggested.

 

“That's perfect! It's genius! Incredible! Brilliant! Amazi-” 

 

“No, it's not,” Stuart interrupted him before he could finish using every positive praise in the dictionary to describe Jos’s suggestion.

 

“Why not Stu? It's flawless-”

 

Stuart stopped him before he could start again.

 

“No. It’s not our place to reveal their feelings,” he said.

 

“It’s not our place to interfere either but anyway,” Stuart continued in a quieter voice that only Steven heard. Steven squeezed his arm and shook his head slightly and so, Stuart left it at just that.

 

Joe's excited voice broke his train of thought, “We could make them play Spin the bottle so that when they kiss they'll feel the spark and they'll realize they have feelings for each other!” 

 

Stuart glared at him. “This isn't a Disney movie, Joe and they'd never agree to play such a childish game anyway. That won't work.”

 

Joe pouted and Jos put an arm around him to console him.

 

“I think it could work,” came Mark’s muffled voice from underneath the blankets he’d buried himself in.

 

“No, we'd just end up pissing Jimmy off and Swanny wouldn't take it seriously, anyway,” Stuart said. “What we need is a solid plan, a way to trap them in to admitting their feelings, somehow..” His voice trailed off as he thought.

 

“You know, for someone who was adamant to not have any part in this, you're really enthusiastic. Finny must've promised you something really good.” Jos grinned wickedly as Stuart's cheeks reddened. 

 

“Shut up Jos,” was all he said and Jos laughed in reply as Stuart scowled.

 

He leaned against the wall again, adamant to not contribute to this discussion anymore and Finny joined him, taking hold his hand to comfort him. It worked mostly: Stuart gave him a small smile but still remained silent as the others threw around ideas to get Swanny and Jimmy to realize they had feelings for each other.

 

Without Stuart mediating them, it reached the point where Joe was reading off a list of teenage party games and everyone gave their verdict after each one.

 

“Suck and blow?”

 

“No, I don't think that would work. And we wouldn't be able to convince them to play.”

 

“Yeah, Finny’s right.”

 

“7 minutes in heaven?”

 

“Actually, I like that one,” Mark said thoughtfully and Stuart resisted the urge to scream.

 

“Yes, I think that might work,” he said sarcastically instead.

 

Joe grinned, not realizing or not caring that Stuart wasn't being serious. Steven smiled as well, putting his head on Stuart's shoulder and patting it and Stuart rolled his eyes at their naivety before kissing the top of Steven's head. 

 

“So we're decided then? We'll play 7 minutes in heaven?” Joe asked, lifting his pen over the pad, ready to write it down under the heading “ Plan of Action: ”

 

Stuart sighed. They were lost without his guidance, clearly.

 

“We're not playing 7 minutes in heaven or suck and swallow or whatever that was.” Joe snorted as he said the last bit and Stuart ignored him.

 

“This is how it's going to go. First we - Joe put that stupid pad away and listen closely.” He gave Joe a pointed glare.

 

“I have to take notes!” Joe protested, clutching the pad to his chest as if Stuart might snatch it away any second, which he might just do, if he's being honest.

 

Stuart rolled his eyes and continued. “Okay, whatever. So first..”

 

-

 

“Training and nets schedule is ready for the coming week. Jimmy will send it on the group and a copy will be up on the soft-board outside this room. Also, team practice ends at 6 tomorrow instead of 7,” Joe announced at the close of the meeting, not bothering to hide the grin from his face as Stuart nearly slapped his forehead with how obvious he was being. 

 

“Why?” Jimmy said, turning to him from where he stood next to Joe, facing the rest of the team. 

 

“Team dinner,” Joe said , starting to gather his papers from the desk in front of him as the others dispersed.

 

“We just had team dinner the other night,” Jimmy protested as they made their way out the exit, closely followed by Stuart. 

 

“That was the formal team dinner. This is a casual one. Think of it as a bonding session,” Stuart said, slapping Jimmy on the back as he passed him. He grabbed Joe by the arm as he passed, taking him with him and leaving behind most probably - although Stuart didn’t turn around to check - a very disgruntled Jimmy.

 

“It’ll be fun I promise!” Joe called back to Jimmy as Stuart dragged him away before he could be anymore obvious.

  
  


-

 

“You look nice,” Stuart said, coming out of the bathroom from behind Steven, freshly showered and shaved. 

 

Steven, dressed in his usual dark t-shirt and jeans, grinned at his boyfriend and turned round from where he was fixing his hair in the mirror to adjust the collar of Stuart’s polo.

 

“Ready for tonight?” he asked. Stuart rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling fondly.

 

“Yeah, sure.” 

 

“You remember the plan?”

 

“Yes, considering the fact that I was the one that came up with it.”

 

It was Steven’s turn to roll his eyes. “Okay, smart-ass. I was just making sure.” He tapped his boyfriends bum lightly, making him jump, before exiting the hotel room.

 

-

 

“I've ordered the taxis. We'll meet you guys at ‘Dastakhwan’ in about 15 yeah?” Stuart told Jimmy and Swanny as they stood waiting for the others to join them in the hotel lobby. He deliberately avoided their gazes, knowing that he was lying straight through his teeth about meeting them there.

 

Jimmy stopped his incessant typing on his phone to look up at him. 

 

“Which one? Google's telling me there are two of them. One's on 26th Street and one's on 8th Street.” 

 

“Which ever one's further?” Stuart said hesitantly and in response received skeptical looks from both of them.

 

“So the one on 8th?” Jimmy asked, eyebrows raised.

 

“Sure. Yeah, that one.” Stuart forced a smile, hoping to fool them both.

 

“Any reason we aren't going to the one that's closer?” Swanny asked.

 

“Better food? Lighting?” Stuart fished for a reason desperately but was saved as a car pulled up next to them. 

 

“Oh look! There's your cab! Have a good time now, you two. We'll see you guys!” he shoved them both in the direction of the cab, yanking the door open and pushing them in. Jimmy and Swanny gave him weird looks as the both sat down and continued to do so when Stuart rapped on the driver's window, signalling him to step on it. 

 

The car sped away and Stuart breathed a sigh of relief, glad that his part in the plan was over at least. 

 

-

 

“Did they fall for it? Are they gone?” Joe ambushed Stuart immediately as he entered the lounge and he flapped his hands away.

 

“Yeah, of course it worked,” Stuart said confidently, sitting down on the couch next to Steven and resting his arm behind his boyfriend.

 

“So they're going to go to 'Dastakhwan’ and then what? They'll eat alone? Just like that?” Jos asked.

 

“Not really. They'll text and call us, asking where we are and we'll say we're in traffic and it'll take a while so they should just order without us. That way they'll end up eating without us and after they finish their meal, sitting on a solitary table for two at a small seaside restaurant, they’ll be given them a ‘complimentary’ dessert to share between the two of them and that, in addition to the lighting, candles, romantic music and the sunset view that we asked for, will be the perfect romantic setting for them to confess their feelings for each other.” Stuart finished his description with a deep, much-needed breath. 

 

“Wow, Stu. I didn’t know you were a closeted romantic comedy fan,” came Sam’s amused voice from his left and Stuart glared at him.

 

“There's nothing wrong with wanting to watch something nice and lovely once in a while,” he snapped.

 

Sam raised his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I didn't say anything.” He grinned at Stuart, who ignored him.

 

“That is a pretty perfect plan though babe,” Steven said, pecking his boyfriend's cheek and wiping the frown off his face instantly. 

 

“Thanks.” Stuart grinned and turned to face the rest of the room, specifically those who had been involved in executing the plan. 

 

“You told them no balloons right, Mark?” And Mark nodded, engrossed in his online FIFA game with Faf, across the world. 

 

“And I made sure the restaurant won't play any music that's too cheesy. It'd become much too obvious then,” Joe added helpfully and Stuart nodded.

 

“And the candles and the view and the fact that you guys won't show up won't make this obvious at all,” Mo drawled sarcastically and Stuart stuck his tounge out at him in response.

 

“So what happens now then?” Steven asked, turning to his boyfriend next to him.

 

“Now,” Stuart said ominously, “we wait.”

  
  


-

  
  


“So, how was your dinner yesterday?” Stuart asked causally, coming to stand next to Jimmy sitting alone in the lounge the next morning.

 

“I don't know, Stu,” Jimmy said, not looking up from his laptop. “How was the traffic?”

 

Stuart coughed uncomfortably, caught of guard. “Traffic was bad. Real bad.” 

 

“Must’ve been, since you guys didn't show up at all. Anyway, you missed some good food,” Jimmy said nonchalantly, typing away as if nothing was amiss.

 

“Good food? That's it?” Stuart said before he could stop himself.

 

Jimmy looked up finally, staring at him inquisitively. “What else was there? Good food, good company. It was a good night, Stu.” Jimmy's voice was normal but his eyes were questioning, daring Stuart to admit to his plan but Stuart wasn't backing down just yet. 

 

“Well, that's too bad. I was hoping you guys would find Dastakhwan more than just “good”,” Stuart said casually.

 

Jimmy hummed, turning back to his laptop.

 

“Yes. I had a feeling you were.” 

 

“And Swanny? Did he have a feeling?” Stuart braced himself for the reply, knowing this would reveal whether his plan had worked or not.

 

“I don't know anything about Swanny’s feelings, Stuart,” was all he said in a flat voice and Stuart's face fell. 

 

“Oh. Right. Okay.”

 

-

 

“We're going to need another plan,” Stuart huffed out in between pants, once he'd reached Joe's room in full sprint. Joe, mid pre-breakfast snack with Mark and Steven on the portion of the bed that wasn’t occupied by a sleeping Jos, looked up in surprise.

 

“Why? It didn't work?” he asked, his question barely understandable with half of the donut he had stuffed in his mouth.

 

Stuart made a face at the disgusting bits of food visible inside his mouth. “No, it worked. I just felt like investing time and energy in another plan to get our teammates together just for a laugh and even though our first plan worked and they're already together,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. He sat down on the bed next to Steven, stealing a croissant off of his plate.

 

Joe swallowed before speaking again, thankfully.  

 

“Oh. So it didn't work.” He sounded disappointed, mirroring the look on Mark and Steven's faces.

 

“Yeah. And now we need to try something else.” 

 

“Like what?” Mark asked.

 

Stuart looked up to see the others staring at him and sighed.

 

“I'm going to have to plan it by myself aren't I?” 

 

“It's only because you're the very best at it Stu!” Steven immediately assured him in between bites of a mini-pizza with a kiss on his cheek.

 

Stuart smiled, despite himself. 

 

“Oh, alright. I'll do it. Now, this is how it's going to go down..”

 

-

 

“All systems go over here,” Mark whispered loudly into his bare wrist. Stuart raised his eyebrows at him to where Mark was pressed up against the corner of the wall, routinely peeking into the corridor adjacent to the one they were in.

 

“What are you whispering into your wrist for?” he asked him and Mark shrugged, lifting his wrist to his mouth again.

 

“How’s your end looking Rooty?” Mark asked Joe who, incidentally, was standing right across him, less than 5 feet away, at the other corner of the wall and staring down the same corridor Mark was supposed to be keeping an eye on.

 

“It’s looking good, Mark,” Joe said into his collar, grinning at them both. Stuart grimaced back, rolling his eyes at their antics.

 

“If you’re both done pretending to be the next James Bond, maybe we could actually start doing what we came here-”

 

Stuart’s admonishment was cut-off by the sound of loud voices approaching them from the end of the corridor that they were supposed to be keeping an eye on and his phone buzzed twice on cue.

 

**Jos Buttler (5:37:09 P.M.):** they just passed us. they’re on their way. be ready

 

**Finny (5:37:19 P.M.):** THEY’RE COMING!!!!!!!!!!

 

Stuart bit back a smile, endeared by Steven’s enthusiasm but then quickly straightened his expression as their targets approached.

 

“Hey guys!” Joe called out cheerily to Jimmy and Swanny.

 

“Hey.” Jimmy gave a small smile that only Joe seemed to bring out these days as Swanny grinned.

 

“D’you guys want to have a FIFA tournament?” Joe asked them in the same excited tone he always seemed to be able to muster as Mark grinned widely next to him with his most endearing smile.

 

Swanny looked hesitant. “Actually we were just headed out with Cooky and Colly. Maybe later?”

 

Joe looked unperturbed, as Stuart had instructed him to be in case they refused. 

 

“That’s okay! We’ll just take your room key and use your xbox.” Joe grabbed the key from an unsuspecting Swanny before he could react. 

 

“Mine broke,” he called out to them as he ran off, followed by an eager Mark. Jimmy and Swanny stared at their retreating backs with shock mirrored on their faces as Stuart stifled a laugh. 

 

Swanny looked down at his now-empty hand and looked back up at Jimmy and Stuart. 

 

“Did he just take my room key?” he asked, his voice more surprised than questioning.

 

“Yes, he did. Good observation skills Graeme,” Jimmy said dryly.

 

Swanny rolled his eyes and followed the corridor that Joe had just taken.

 

“Where are you going?” Jimmy called after him, following him automatically. Stuart debated whether or not to follow them since his part of the plan was already over but he did so anyway, wanting to witness the spectacle of events that was about to take place.

 

“To get my key back,” Swanny said simply as Jimmy caught up to him.

 

“Oh, come on Swanny. You can get it later.”

 

“No I can’t. Do you remember what happened on the India tour? I don’t want pizza sauce on my bed again, James.”

 

“Yeah,” Stuart interjected. “The pizza sauce incident was a dark time for Swanny and his bed-sheets.”

 

Swanny and Jimmy both turned to look at him, Jimmy’s glare relatively more annoyed than Swanny’s look of agreement.

 

Stuart shrugged his shoulders as Jimmy made a face and mouthed “not helping” at him before turning back. 

 

Swanny stopped then, turning the latch of the room door they’d reached. The three of them entered and, as Swanny called out Joe and Mark’s name, they found the room empty.

 

“Where’d they go?” he asked the other two and Stuart shrugged although he, of course, knew exactly where the two were positioned now. 

 

“Well, they’re not here and you can get another key made from the front desk or here,” Jimmy said, pulling out two keycards from his pocket and holding one out for Swanny, “you can have the one you got made for me. Now can we please go? It’s going to get dark.”

 

Swanny looked down at the keycard and shook his head. “But they have my keycard. They could break in after we leave and ruin my sheets and my room. I have to get it back from them.” 

 

“Actually, it’s not breaking in since they have your keycard,” Stuart interrupted their conversation again and Jimmy glared at him on cue.

 

“You’re really not helping here Stu. And also, he stole the keycard so it’s as bad as breaking and entering,” he said scathingly. 

 

Stuart’s eyes grew wide and Jimmy noticed. 

 

“What do you look so guilty about all of a sudden?” Jimmy said, frowning slightly and Swanny stood up from where he was peeking under the bed to look at him inquisitively as well. 

 

“Nothing,” Stuart said quickly, inwardly calming himself as the realization that his plan had involved an illegal activity sunk in.

 

Jimmy looked unconvinced but didn’t question him further, instead turning back to Swanny and trying to get him to give it up.

 

Swanny made for the door of the room before he could though and Jimmy sighed exasperatedly before following him out, with Stuart close behind. 

 

Stuart craftily lead them to different rooms of the hotel while knowing that Joe or Mark weren’t in any of those places so it was another 15 minutes before Swanny’s calls of Joe and Mark’s names received a reply. 

 

Under Stuart’s instruction they had taken up residence in the meeting room. It was, incidentally, the only room on their floor with two different entrances which were both lockable from the outside thanks to some eyelash batting and angelic smiling by Joe as he convinced the hotel manager that he really, desperately needed the keys of the meeting room for some important captain business.

 

Joe’s answer from inside was muffled by some scuffling and loud whispers of “hurry!” clearly audible even through the closed doors. Stuart rolled his eyes as Swanny and Jimmy entered. They stopped short at the entrance though, so a gentle push by Stuart assured that they both entered the transformed meeting room. He shut the door and locked it behind them as Joe, Mark, Steven, Jos and, for some reason, Mo as well, simultaneously left the room through the parallel exit door and locked it as well.

 

The stealthily left the vicinity, with Mark and Joe tip-toeing more dramatically than necessary. 

 

“So what now?” Mark asked once they'd reached Joe's room.

 

Joe flopped onto the bed and imitated Stuart's voice, “Now, young Marcus, we wait.” He grinned evilly at Mark before breaking out into laughter as Stuart's well aimed cushion bounced off his face.

 

-

 

Jimmy might not be the biggest fan of calling someone out but that didn’t mean he was completely oblivious. Just because he didn’t say anything or confront Stuart or Steven or any of the guys about their obvious schemes to trap him and Swanny into admitting their feelings, didn't mean he couldn’t see past their attempts. 

 

So far though, Swanny hadn't seemed to realize the real reason Stuart and the others had cooked up these elaborate schemes. He'd been convinced they were just pranks and had just laughed at the ridiculousness that was last night's dinner, from the moment the band started playing soft ballads to the second the twinkling lights turned on just after the sunset over the lake. The setting was beautiful but Jimmy knew the music and lighting was a bit too cheesy for their taste and that, along with Swanny's automatic snort everytime something vaguely romantic happened, prevented him from being able to say what he'd longed to tell Swanny for years now. 

 

The failure that was last night should've clued Jimmy in that his ever-interfering teammates would attempt something like this again but he had kept the naive hopes that they would be deterred and he would be allowed to resume his slow, it'll-happen-eventually seduction of Swanny. It’d been working fine for years now, after all and it would produce results. Eventually. 

 

The set-up of the room in front of him currently seemed no different to last night in terms of lack of subtlety. As Jimmy and Swanny entered, gaping at the scene in front of them, they stepped on to a floor covered with rose petals. In fact, every flat surface in the room seemed to be covered with the petals from the tables to the top of the standing air conditioner and tiny fans in every corner softly blew more petals in to the room from an unknown source. The room lights were switched off and instead, white candles were lit all around, balanced on tables and chairs and window sills. Soft music began to play from hidden speakers and Jimmy cringed inwardly. 

 

“What. The. Fuck.” Jimmy turned round to face Swanny, almost forgetting why he'd been tricked in to this scheme in the first place, and snorted at the expression on the man's face. Swanny seemed torn between laughing and feeling disgusted at the display of the room in front of them, resulting in a comical half revolted, half grinning expression on his face. 

 

“What is this?” Swanny demanded, properly grinning now and Jimmy shook his head immediately.

 

“I don’t know what this is and why they would this would work but,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you. There’s a reason these lunatics have been going around trapping us in these absurd settings.”

 

-

 

Jimmy and Swanny emerged from the room an hour or so later but Jason, as inefficient as ever, failed to text Stuart till two more hours had passed because him and Alex had just then remembered to check the meeting room and saw that it was empty.

 

The five of them - Stuart, Steven, Jos, Joe and Mark - then led the other fringe members of The Matchmakers (Mo, Sam and the like) as they ran towards the hall with Jimmy and Swanny’s rooms. After Swanny’s room seemed to be locked and they heard no movement inside, they tentatively approached Jimmy’s room, all eager to know the result of their plan but none of them willing to be subjected to seeing Jimmy or Swanny in a compromising position.

 

Stuart knocked on Jimmy’s door and the others waited with bated breaths until the lock clicked and the door opened, revealing a very disgruntled Jimmy , who seemed to have gone to bed, considering the fact that his hair was unmade and product free and his clothes were only an old t-shirt and sweats.

 

Jimmy’s grumpy expression instantly turned to one of shock as Joe jumped on to him as soon as the door was open wide enough for him to slip through.

 

“Did it work?” Joe half-shouted, wrapped around Jimmy.

 

“Did what work?” Jimmy asked, attempting to remove Joe’s hands from around him but failing.

 

“The plan!” Mark said excitedly.

 

“Oh. That. Yeah it did.” Jimmy grunted out as Joe squealed.

 

“I'm so proud of you,” Joe shouted, practically squeezing the life out of Jimmy as he squirmed, trying to get away.

 

“I'm more proud of you,” Steven said, joining the hug, much to Jimmy's annoyance, wrapping his arms around them and dwarfing them all.

 

Joe lifted his head off where it was pressed into Jimmy's shoulder and gave Steven an offended look. 

 

“No.  _ I'm  _ more proud of him,” he said indignantly.

 

Stuart rolled his eyes, sensing the direction in which this was headed.

 

Steven began to retaliate. “No, actually.  _ I'm  _ more-”

 

“Okay that's enough,” Stuart interrupted them before it could escalate. “You're  _ both _ proud of him, okay? Now let poor Jimmy go before he has a heart attack; he's not as young as he tries to look. Look at him, he's gone all red.” 

 

It was a testament to Jimmy that, despite the obvious discomfort he was in, he still managed to give Stuart his most unimpressed and annoyed glare, a one of a kind look he usually reserved for Joe when he pranked him or Stuart when he called him old.

 

Steven looked like he was ready to argue but Stuart gave him a look as Joe shrugged and let Jimmy go and left, but not before ruffling his hair. Jimmy glared after him as well, as expected. Jimmy was able to break free of Steven's shackles as well and, with a look of disdain in each other their directions, he stomped down the corridor, no doubt to go find Swanny and complain about the mistreatment he'd just had to suffer at the hands of these children.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> come say hi: [tumblr](http://storm-alert.tumblr.com)  
> 


End file.
